Well, if you read my last post, then you might have picked up on the fact that I am feeling a little inadequate! I might have to subtitle this blah, blah, blog with "the rantings and ravings of a lunatic"! I feel like a bulimic who has stuffed herself with all this food (but in my case, it's yucky feelings) and the only way to feel better is to vomit! And you lucky people get to be here to read my vomit... so to speak.
This week, I just have felt like running away. And the fact of the matter is that as long as I have a place to stay and take the kids with me, then I could run away. But would that suddenly make things better? I wasn't wanting to run away from my husband; though, he probably wouldn't mind a little time way from his looney wife right now. Running away isn't going to help, cause it would be like trying to run away from my annoying, smelly, siamese twin. (this is a metaphor. i don't actually think i am smelly or annoying, though after this post, i might rethink the annoying bit.) Anyway, the point is, I can't run away from myself.
I knew I was feeling depressed lately, but I think I finally realized why. I have done nothing of importance in the last year. The year previous to that I felt like I had accomplish a lot. I was a supervisor at work, I gave birth to my fourth child... who was nine pounds by the way! Hello! I managed to take care of myself and four kids for five months without my hubby. I don't know how those military wives do it. And I packed up our home, got it rented, and moved a thousand miles away!
What have I done in the last 12 months? My mother-in-law would probably say that I drove around San Antonio like it was nothing. I say, thank you GPS. I did paint some dresser drawers.
Woohoo! I am about half way done reupholstering a couch. If I get that done, then that could be something.
Being a stay at home mom and wife is hard! I am so grateful that I am able to be at home with my kids, but somehow it seemed easier when I worked. And, when I worked I was still home with the kids during the day. I need to DO SOMETHING.
Yes, I am stressed and depressed. I have lost 10 lbs since the new year, and I wasn't trying. My face is breaking out like some kind of teenager. Note to mom: if you mention my broken out face again, your skype privileges will be revoked!!! Only kidding mom! I love you.
I guess that is enough ranting and raving for now. Thanks for reading/listening... I probably lost half of you after the first paragraph. Oh well. I purged for the day. And if I offended any bulimics, I am sorry!
P.S. If you read my last post about the bumpit, I have to mention my friend who told me she rocks her bumpit everyday, and pats her stomach! : )
6 comments:
If it helps, I feel the same way. I knew it was hard to be a stay at home mom, but didn't realize in what ways it is hard. Definitely feel like I've done nothing worthwhile and nothing that I really enjoy because I'm too busy doing the mom/wife thing.
The most IMPORTANT thing you are doing right now IS BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM! Don't ever short yourself and feel like your not accomplishing anything! You may not see the results immediately (so you feel like your not doing anything of importance) but those kiddies are getting their mother and her wonderful influence 24/7 and it will pay off in the long run! If your able to stay at home and reupholster a couch with 2 little heel biters around, YOU ARE AMAZING!!! And yes, the fact that you drive thousands of miles with kids on board (GPS or not)is something to toot your horn about!!! YOU ARE MY HERO! Hang in there! It will be worth it!
It gets easier! When I first quit my job I loved being home. Until the mundane kicked in. Same thing everyday. It was especially hard having a husband who was getting a better job, getting promoted, finishing a degree. While the only thing I felt like I accomplished was that I could change a diaper with my eyes closed. A few things helped. I got out of the house for a little everyday. I started taking pride in the accomplishments that I was seeing in my children. I found something I could do that was purely mine. I don't notice it as bad as I use to. I don't get depressed as much. When I do I ask Stillman if I can runaway for a while.
Please don't take away my skype priviledges. Sorry about my comment about your skin, but I know you and I know that stress does that to you.
I wanted to be a stay at home mom, but didn't get the chance. Being a single mom was really hard which I am sure you remember. Right now I am a stay at home mom with your 10 year old and I love it. I am making up for the times I couldn't go on the field trips and was to tired at night to do the important mom things. I have had the career and accomplishments, but I feel my biggest accomplishment is right now watching Claire change and become the wonderful young lady that I always knew she could be. I missed alot with you and Jenn because I couldn't be there. Get some good drugs and get with it. You are smart, talented and witty and can accomplish anything you put your mind to. You have to take care of you first in order to take care of everyone else.
I love you
Mom
Just because we're at home doesn't mean we don't need to grow too. Make a goal and work on it. It doesn't have to be something huge but just always be working on something. When I die I want to leave something for people to say about me. I just obtained a YW personal progress book and I'm so excited to start making some goals for myself. Your are an amazing woman with incredible talents. You will have an equally amazing eulogy! :0) Am I morbid or what?!
Jill,
I can relate all too well. I think you have part of the solution right in your post. Runaway! You enjoyed training to run and I know it gave you an escape and a sense of accomplishment. So pack up the kids or send them on a playdate, grab your MP3 player and runaway or walk or Zumba or something. Just go get that release!!!! And then go get your personal trainer certification!!! ;-) You juggle so much and I think you ROCK!!!! Love you!
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